AS FAR as picnic spots go, this one’s near-perfect: a lone bench overlooking an oxbow lake, around which coots and white swans glide and weeping willows sway.

Chicken drumsticks never tasted better. Not just because they’re well-earned after playing an hour of tennis with two of my children but because all around is unblemished farming countryside and trees tinged with autumnal russets.

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Hard to believe this is Essex, a county traditionally more punchline than paradise. I vow to never malign it again.

Crowne Plaza has 400 hotels spanning 50 countries but here in this Essex heartland, in tiny Tolleshunt Knight between pretty Maldon and historic Colchester, is where it has chosen to place its first UK resort, just opened. Facilities on the 320-acre site are extensive. As well as two 18-hole parkland golf courses there’s squash, indoor and outdoor tennis, badminton, a gym, aerobics studio and spa.

Our room boasts two double beds covered with snowy-white linen and a scatter of velvet cushions. Offsetting the cappuccino décor are rich purples and gold, the latter also featuring heavily in the bathroom’s fixtures and fittings where shower-heads and taps are delightfully faux Victorian.

We even have a Juliet balcony overlooking the golf course.

Despite being a non-golfer, I’m invited to take a buggy out for a drive around the grounds. Gabriel, eight, and Hannah, six, can barely contain themselves. “Overtake,” they squeal on spotting identikit vehicles.

The hotel is extremely family-friendly. The spa’s indoor pool is shaped in a large figure of six, its water deliciously tropical. Were I not with the children I’d happily lounge around in a fluffy robe for hours, alternating between the pool, Jacuzzi and sauna.

As it is, post-swimming I manage to snatch 25 minutes of indulgence while Gabriel and Hannah read books. “Do you want relaxing or energising?” asks masseuse Laura before commencing a back and shoulder massage. No contest: relaxing. The treatment is all gentle strokes, easing knots out of my neck with Espa restorative oil.

The difference between this and a health farm, says general manager Ben Danielson, is that the Crowne Plaza experience is all about indulgence. No calorie-counting here. My South African Cullinan View pinotage is deliciously full-bodied and smooth while there’s great attention paid to fine dining. Brasserie 1’s executive chef James Parsons used to cook for the Queen Mother and can clearly please the trickiest of customers. My sautéed chicken livers with truffle oil, brioche and lamb’s lettuce starter sets up mains of sea bass with pesto and lemon barley risotto perfectly.

Opening the curtains the next morning, an atmospheric mist coats the rural scenery. This burns away as we explore beyond the hotel, winding down narrow country lanes, past farms selling fresh quinces and pick-your-own Cox apples.

Nearby is Tiptree village, home of the Wilkin family who have been making jam here since 1885. Were it the afternoon we’d have stopped for jam and scones in their tea room.

Instead we head into historic Colchester, the first capital of Roman Britain. Underneath its castle in a glorious landscaped park lie the remains of the Temple of Claudius. Stroking the stonework, the children get shivers imagining their fingers are touching the very foundation of Roman Britain.
Our resort may not have the temple’s history but for comfort it certainly takes the Crowne.

GETTING THERE:

Crowne Plaza Resort Colchester (01621 862444/cpcolchester.co.uk) offers doubles from £90 per night (two sharing), room only. Family packages available from £180 per night (four sharing), half board. Price includes admission tickets to Colchester Zoo. Visit Essex: 01206 282920/visitessex.com